Satire - Don's Diary
For this week's Don's Diary, click here.
April 25 11.15am
Up at 5.00am for Dawn Parade. Back for breakfast (corned beef and peas on toast) then down to Cenotaph for main service and speech. Left glasses at home and had to borrow a pair from the man standing next to me. Called for end to sitting on the fence and more spending on defence, unfortunate phrasing which raised a few laughs, the last reaction one is seeking to one's Anzac Day speech. Returned glasses with thanks and asked their owner about his uniform and many medals. Turned out he had been a general in Iraq. Invited him home for lunch. Fascinating insights into life under military dictatorship (no silly resource consents necessary in Baghdad!). He promised to stay in touch and copied down my corned beef and peas recipe to give his wives. Realised when he had gone that I didn't know his name.
April 26 9.00
Ahmad called. Didn't connect the name with the moustache until he revealed himself as the spectacles lender at yesterday's Anzac service. Had three questions:
1. Why was it necessary to slice the corned beef and store it Gladwrapped in individual slices, rather than Gladwrap the beef as cooked and slice it as needed?
2. What is Gladwrap?
3. Who is Winston Peters?
I replied as follows:
1. For convenience and greater uniformity in serving size.
2. Gladwrap is an inert non-toxic material made from polyethylene which seals in freshness and flavour, prevents food odour transfer and helps make life simple when it comes to food storage and cooking.
3. Winston Peters leads another opposition party in the afternoons between lunch and dinner.
April 29 2.00pm
Ran into Peter Doone in Taranaki St, just coming away from Wing Wong Long's. Didn't recognise him out of uniform, until he got out of his car and said "we'll be on our way" or something like that. I offered to verify that and he said "that won't be necessary". I replied along the lines "that being the case, we'll be on our way". He then asked me if I would be interested in a second-hand mainframe computer, INCIS model, never been used, currently in storage in a shed behind the hangar containing the Skyhawks. I said I would have to consult with out computer experts, Maurice Williamson and Max Bradford. He said "that won't be necessary" so I said "we'll be on our way". Then he offered to sue me to help raise my profile. I said "that won't be necessary", he said "in that case, we'll be on our way", and I said "we'll be on our way as well". Turned the corner and ran into Ross Meurant, heading towards Wing Wong Long's. He said he had overheard Doone threatening to sue me to raise my profile and offered to verify that to Oskar Alley but I said "that won't be necessary" and he said "we'll be on our way."