Satire - Don's Diary
For this week's Don's Diary, click here.
April 1 11.00am
Strange telephone call this morning. Man’s voice saying “Helen on the line for you.” Waited, thinking it might be the prime minister advising me of decision to go for early election. But nothing further although I could hear heavy breathing. Hung up, thinking it must an April Fool’s joke. Phone goes again, same voice, “Helen here. I’m calling an early election.” I said “Righto. I’ll tell Murray.” She said “Ha. Ha. April Fool.” Couldn’t think of quick reply so fell back on tried and true “Good shot.”
April 1 11.30am
Have just called Helen pretending to be John Tamihere inviting her to lunch with him and Ian Wishart. Unfortunately got Heather who spotted straight away it was an April Fool’s trick, saying there was no way Tamihere or anyone else in the party would be interviewed by Wishart.
April 2 9.35am
Pope died eight minutes ago. Good coverage in Dom-Post and Herald of my plan to spend all of 5c petrol tax rise on new roads. No-one seems to have noticed wording identical to government hand-out, due to photocopier mix-up in Richard’s office. Maurice Williamson offered to go on television accepting total blame for lack of investment in roads causing congestions, deaths etc.
April 3 9.45am
Maurice rushed to hospital, diagnosed with Tourette’s syndrome.
April 3 9.30pm
Dinner with Carmen Midgwort and her daughter Donelda. I think I do recognise Carmen from my time on the dance floors of 1960s Peru. But cannot agree that Donelda looks the slightest bit like me, as her mother insistently whispered to me over dinner. Jan Le was much taken with Donelda’s jumper garni, a traditional Peruvian blouse with colourful embroidery around the navel area.