Satire - Don's Diary
For this week's Don's Diary, click here.
May 9 8am
Awoke looking forward to this week. It will be seen, I'm sure, as the one when I emerged as the natural leader others keep assuring me that I am. Will spend morning with Richard and Murray preparing for joint presser with Rodney on Doonegate.
May 9 4pm
Arrived to find Rodney packing up. Apologised for forgetting to tell us he had moved presser forward an hour. Promised to make it up by leeting us in on a juicy one about Benson-Pope he was planning for Thursday. But when he said it involved doing something unusual with tennis balls we thought it might be better to give Judith a turn.
May 10 5pm
Foot and mouth scare on Waiheke. Obviously a hoax dreamed up by Heather to take heat off Helen over Doonegate. Irresponsible threat to export trade. My farming experience admittedly limited to kiwifruit but I would have thought Waiheke lacked the co-ordination to have a foot and mouth scare at the same time.
May 13 8am
NBR picking Winston as next prime minister with John Key and me sharing finance. Rang Barry who put me onto Nevil who transferred me to Deborah who blamed Jeff who is now predicting September election which means it will definitely be in July.
May 14 9.30am
Agenda leads with NBR prediction and, as well as interviewing Winston, runs lengthy piece (second in a month) on John Key as next leader. Rang Ian in Barbados who put me onto Bill in London who referred me to Sainsbury in LA who blamed Harman in Harlem. Who would have predicted the charter would be just a travel programme for the boys?
May 15 6.30pm
Colmar Brunton Poll has me down 5 points and Helen up one. Surely some mistake, or TVNZ's news bulletins being compiled on the 9th floor. Rang Ian in St Tropez etc.
May 16 9.00am
Herald leading with Winston as PM, quoting NBR and Agenda. What's going on? Coup by media? Rang Tim who put me on to Fran who referred me to John who blamed Audrey. Rang Audrey to point out that Winston held balance of power after last election and would have to get more votes than National to become PM. Apologised, saying she hadn't thought it through that far. Beginning to wish I had taken up Rodney's offer on Benson-Pope and the tennis balls.