Satire - Don's Diary
For this week's Don's Diary, click here.
May 22 9.00pm
Almost fainted while delivering speech to regional conference in Hamilton. Murray had inserted promise of tax cuts before Christmas. But no way we can do that. Thinking on my feet, decided it would be better to flip now than flop later. So said first word that came into my head: baloney. No-one appeared to notice and a couple of senior citizens in the front row looked positively cheerful at the prospect of baloney before Christmas. One of them thanked me afterwards, saying baloney would make a nice change from corned beef and it would still go well with peas and a glass of Lindauer Special Reserve. Only one person - a rough type waiting outside - mentioned the tax cuts. Seemed satisfied, though, with Richard's explanation of a spelling error in the Sunday-Star Times headline and that we were planning to cut faxes by Christmas by using more email.
May 23 6.00pm
My hasty improvisation in yesterday's speech appears to have gone unnoticed. But that could be because the speech went un-reported except in the Wairarapa Weekly Bugle where Richard knows the editor's PA. Nevertheless, thought it worth experimenting. Inserted 'baloney' three times in quick succession in today's Rotary address. Same result although one chap said later that he thought it was Belgium sausage.
May 24 9.00pm
Used "baloney" six times today. No reaction. On Murray's advice that I show more "mongrel", decided to try heavy sarcasm by calling Cullen profligate and a spendthrift.
May 25 8.00pm
On Holmes tonight said "baloney" 10 times, described Cullen as profligate and a spendthrift and said Benson-Pope was a serial tennis ball inserter of the worst kind. No reaction but Richard said that could be because no-one watches Holmes.
May 26 6.00pm
Horrified to find the note from Jen Le, giving the pronunciation of "Welcome to our country" in Chinese, still on the hall table. What I read out at the state luncheon for the visiting vice-premier must have been just a covering note. Had to wait for her to get in from work to discover that I told Vice-premier Wu Bangguo "I love you, Mister Wu." Still, no-one seems to have noticed.